Indian Marriage

Its conventional wisdom to claim that the institution of Marriage is in a state of flux -- at least it seems to be, for us middle-class, urban Indians.
As a divorced woman, I can say that I've been on both sides of the fence. I have played the role of the angelic wife and daughter-in-law and simmered silently with long-suppressed resentment. Now that divorce has rid me of my marital chains, I have this bitter-sweet longing to be enslaved by those very chains.
Before anyone says 'I told you so', let me clarify -- my longing for the 'Mrs' tag is motivated by a desire to obtain the unconditonal acceptance that society bestows on Married Women. I think marriage is a great camouflage, it certifies that you are a productive, upstanding member of Indian society, fully committed to maintaining the status quo in all its tacky, hypocritical glory. The "married" tag also affords a middle-class woman a measure of safety -- in the guise of social respectability. Her trouble-making capacity is greatly reduced, as is her ability to rebel against convention, because now, she herself is a stakeholder.

Like everything else in this world, Indian Marriage can both be a life-saver and a deal-breaker. At its best, it coaxes the purest and noblest out of people - spurring them to step out of themselves and give a little of themselves to family, society and country.

The economist in me wonders if the punishing work culture that is so prevalent in white collar India would have been possible had we not had such a stellar support system -- patient wives who uncomplainingly put up with workaholic husbands, generous and long-suffering in-laws who will care for their grandchildren when the parents are at work, selfless parents who will feed and wait on their tired progeny, who have nothing left to give after a 60 or 70-hour work week.

The Indian Marriage is the bulwark of the Great Indian Family -- its warp and weft. Its the glue that keeps our society together, and helps the ordinary Indian survive exploitation at the hands of an indifferent and corrupt bureacracy, and a political class that seems to have become so cynical that one wonders if they are still human.

How is it then, that our public sphere is so corrupt and soul-less, when our private lives are so rich, replete with the spirit of giving, generosity, affection and selfless love?

Why don't these admirable qualities seep into our public spaces and pervade our public lives? How does a dutiful son and loving father transform himself into a corrupt politician or spineless bureaucrat the moment he steps out of his house?